I’m sure that many of you out there can relate, but for the last few weeks I’ve let my anxiety get to me and cause me to nearly shut down. I recently had testing done to my thyroid and will be seeing a surgeon next week for a consult. I feel sure that with my family history of thyroid cancer, it’s probably the same for me and the fact that I’ve known for nearly a year that I had an issue in there that I didn’t want to confront makes me nervous. Have I waited too long? I guess we will see.

And what about this Covid19? I was worried many weeks ago and started stocking up on staple foods and meds. (I still only bought 3 bottles of hand sanitizer but I also bought 25 lbs of rice and two huge bags of black beans) I had hoped it was in vain but now it seems it wasn’t. It’s just as terrifying as I thought it would be. Also this week my daughter who lives in Maui was flown to Oahu for a company dinner that I was confident could wait, rather than putting her in the airport and airplanes twice, as well as more public places where she could easily come into contact with someone carrying the virus. On that day, it was hard for me to breathe. Literally.

And the stock market! Of course I’m worried about our retirement. Who wants to work until they are eighty?

Then you throw in the grim prognosis of my dear pup that I love so much, and worry over my elderly parents, my anxiety reached crippling levels. In reply, my body revolted in throwing me into one of my worst flares yet. Pain. Swelling. Break outs. Fatigue. Loss of appetite. All those fun things brought on by stress and my body’s eagerness to dive into fight or flight mode.

It was too much.

So yesterday I stopped reading articles online. Turned off the television news. Put my phone away.

I went outside and found a quiet place and asked myself where does all this fear come from?

Is it from the possibility of those I love dying, or of me dying?

I think it’s both.

So I went back to my bookshelf and pulled out some favorites to try to calm me. Over the last twenty-five years or so I guess you could say I’ve had a very deep interest in subjects that relate to life after death. I’ve read dozens of books and done even more of my own research into articles and clips of discussions of things related. I’ve watched documentaries, movies, and followed any stories I have found about those who claim to have died and seen the afterlife, then returned to their bodies. I’ve sat through years of church services and lectures about heaven. Let me say here that I am not religious. However, I am very spiritual and have been since I was a young girl.

All that to say, what all my research has led me to is that I believe in a higher power.  God. I also believe that when we are dead, our spirits are still connected to those we love on earth and we can see and hear them, and even help them grow in their own journeys. I think that those on the other side give us signs all the time that they are with us. Gifts of encouragement, if you will. Like the heart of pine needles I walked up on after a bad few days of questioning my very existence. (I wrote about it a few posts back) Or the time that I was begging my grandmother to show me a sign and a few nights later I was up very late, alone, and smelled her sweet perfume rise up all around me. Or the tiny feather that fell from the ceiling, out of nowhere and slowly drifted onto my Kindle right in front of my face.

Sweet gifts and proof that our loved ones are around us. Maybe you have had a few yourself?

Do you want to get technical? I think that our spirits are permanent, and our bodies are temporary, donned for each particular journey we are sent to earth for in which we go through a life to learn, and elevate our spirits to a higher level with each lesson accomplished. I think we’ve all lived many past lives and have more before us and those in our inner circle will be in our other lives, but play different roles. (Example: your sister in this life might be your mother in another life)

Why are we here?

In my opinion, we are here to learn the greatest lesson of all, to be kind and compassionate in all we do. In a nutshell, it’s all about love.

Not a romantic or sexy love, but a love that reaches out to everyone who is in our life path.

I think that each life is mapped out for you, with a destination and time limit already in place, but you have the free will to make as many detours as you choose on the way. It’s free will and yes, sometimes that free will can result in tragedy and an early death. Might be your free will or that of someone else. Those detours or paths we take along the way are okay, and meant for us to learn from.

Sometimes we veer into a dead end or a path that causes us to be lost.

It is then that I think we are supposed to use the gifts that God gave each of us to find our way back. And guess what? If you don’t, you’ll get another chance at it in another life.  It’s important that as we grow older, we figure out what each of us are meant to do to help others in their life journeys. Each person that is put in your life, is put there for a reason. For example, I’ve had a rocky relationship off and on with my twin sister over the years. But this year when she’s going through a lot of hard trials, I finally figured out that because her life path and mine are connected, her trials are a part of my life lessons. Even during the times I want to wring her neck, I think I’m supposed to hang in there, bite my tongue and try to help guide her and show her compassion and kindness.

So this is what else I’ve learned. Subject to change at any time, of course…

We are all going to die. Some from the Covid19 and some of us from other things. It’s inevitable. But when I die, I am completely confident that I will get a respite in a wonderful, euphoric, place of peace surrounded by God’s light and the light of others. I’ll go through a life review that will either make me humble or proud. Then I’ll rest. And finally I’ll move on to my next life and lessons that will bring me closer to the place of honor, bowing at God’s feet.

I just pray that when it’s my time to go, I will have done enough and showed enough kindness to have left a legacy of love behind me. And you’d better believe I’ll be around, working hard to send my family little gifts of encouragement and signs that I am there. In the eyes of a sweet pup, or the light fluttering of a hummingbird, or the whisper of the wind in a peaceful moment.

So I try to fear not.

And just spread kindness.

Much love,

Kay

23 Comments

  1. Camille Di Maio on March 13, 2020 at 10:50 am

    Beautifully said. I do believe in an afterlife in Heaven. And that gives me peace. We will all pass on – some sooner than later and all in different manners, but the end result is the same. What will be different is how we used our time here. So I’m focusing on that. The rest? I can’t control that. So I’m working to not worry about it.

    • Virgie Lane on March 13, 2020 at 2:05 pm

      Kay I do believe that our spirits are with our loved ones they hang around to help us in 2006 I lost my husband my life mate , my friend, my companion, I was so lost. I had to find my way. I wanted to give up but through faith and my oldest daughter I had to go on. When nights are terrible bad I ask him to come hold me through the night I get comfort from knowing that he is nearby if I need him. In August 2019 I lost my furbaby that I had gotten only a month after losing my husband. My heart broke in a thousand pieces. We can’t change death it happens but I our memories stay forever. I admire you your are a strong lady with a lot of love for your fur babies. I take each day at a time but some days I have to take an hour at a time. I do my best and don’t worry about the rest. My family is very close we look out for each other. Cherish each day you never know what tomorrow may bring. ❤️🙏🏻❤️🙏🏻

  2. Taryn Askey on March 13, 2020 at 10:50 am

    Beautifully written, Kay….. Sending you hugs and love from the West Coast.
    ~Taryn

    • Pat Arnold on March 13, 2020 at 11:23 am

      Well put. Those words match my feelings. I hope we’re right.
      Big hug!
      Pat

  3. Michele Waite on March 13, 2020 at 11:09 am

    Wow, just wow! I relate to everything you wrote! I too am spiritual and believe our loved ones are always around.

    Examples: before my grandmother passed away she always told my sister she would come back as a butterfly; fast forward to her burial at her Episcopal church of 60+ years-during the service, which was in the winter, a butterfly fluttered into the church, hovered over my sister, and then flew away. True sign she was there and at peace!

    Another example: 8/10/2010 I underwent brain surgery to remove a deep-rooted brain stem cavernous angioma; the day of my surgery my brothers were in Southern California visiting our mother’s gravesite (the visit was my brother’s 40th birthday wish); I fully believe that there were higher forces at play that day as I survived!

    I also will get whiffs of my dads cologne (I was with him his last few days AND he had never been to my home in Idaho); I also have a picture of my kids where you can actually see my dad in the background.

    One last thing, I understand your fight and flight pain flare ups as I too suffer with CPS (chronic pain syndrome) due to irreparable brain damage. Certain things can shoot my pain way beyond the 10! I always just remember tomorrow is a new day and hopefully a better day.

    Best wishes to you and I hope you stay well. (I loved my first book of yours, Wish Me Home. I have twins too; boy and girl; they’ll be sixteen in June).

    • Kay Bratt on March 13, 2020 at 11:44 am

      Thank you, Michele, for sharing those experiences with us!

  4. Bonnie Huber on March 13, 2020 at 11:11 am

    Very beautifully stated. Thank you!

  5. Shirley Hoskins Sanders on March 13, 2020 at 11:39 am

    Reading your posts always makes me feel better. Maybe it’s because I agree with you and your thoughts. I have UC so I totally understand the frustration that goes with these diseases. Sometimes it just seems like no one really understands what we go through. Your gentleness and sweetness is in every word you write. I hope you know how special you, and your words, are.

    • Kay Bratt on March 13, 2020 at 11:43 am

      Thank you so much, Shirley, for your kind words. I’m so sorry you suffer with UC. As you probably know, my Ben has it and it’s really changed so much in our own little world. Stay safe and healthy!

  6. Sandra Walker on March 13, 2020 at 11:40 am

    Dear Kay, you have done enough and showed enough kindness in your life and then some! As for me, I am spiritual like you. I want you to know that when my husband and I were thinking of adopting I read your Silent Tears and after reading it I knew that our path to adoption was something that was a must….a sign from you! We went to get our little guy 8 years ago this month Please try not to stress…you have so many people who love you!!

    • Kay Bratt on March 13, 2020 at 11:48 am

      Sandra, thank you for that message about your adoption. It means more to me than I can say. Stay safe.

  7. Susan Seaman on March 13, 2020 at 11:45 am

    I don’t know you Kay Bratt but reading this brings tears to my eyes. I am sad that you worry as I do and that you live with chronic pain. I worry mostly because I am a single parent with a young daughter, only 19, who is not ready to venture into the world without her Mama. Thus I am pretty well stocked and don’t have to leave the house if I don’t need to. I am not as afraid of the virus as I am of leaving my Chinese daughter alone in this (racist) world. I am being as cautious as I can be.
    However, when I think about you I think if you had done nothing more than your volunteering at the orphanage in China and writing a book about it, you have completed your mission on Earth. I’m sure you’ve made lots of other (books, fur baby rescues etc) contributions to society but to me Silent Tears was the most profound. Try not to fret so much. I find just going for a ride in the car calms my nerves. You’ve done good, give yourself a break. With the utmost of respect, a top fan. 🥰

    • Kay Bratt on March 13, 2020 at 11:47 am

      Aww, Susan, thank you so much for this. Great idea about the car ride, too. I think I need that. My Ben called me this morning from work and I told him that I think I’m too delicate for this world and he told me, “Don’t worry. When you fall, I’ll carry you.” How did I get so lucky to be blessed with him? I’m glad you are prepared and have your girl near. Stay safe.

  8. Pat Bridges on March 13, 2020 at 12:19 pm

    I have always felt that there is a life after death. I have heard my grandfather’s voice call out to me and shortly after my granddaughter was born, my son-in -law thought he saw a shadow pass through her mirror. There is so much we don’t know but I am hopeful that I leave an Impression of love behind. You have beautifully put my thoughts into words so I will conclude by saying it is a pleasure getting to know you. I know your puppies are thankful you are here , I know I have quite a few that I hope will greet me just like they did in life.

    • Kay Bratt on March 13, 2020 at 12:28 pm

      And I believe our pets will be there!

  9. Jessie Lanier on March 13, 2020 at 1:45 pm

    As you might already know I’m very spiritual. I believe our purpose here on Earth is to find salvation through Jesus Christ. In doing so that makes us a better human being. We are taught by Him to love. Love everyone, just as God does. And forgiveness. I know, without a doubt, when I die my soul will go to Heaven. Will I be able to send signs to my loved ones? I think so. At least I hope so. I also believe my pets will be in Heaven with me when they die. The Bible tells me that anything that makes me happy will be in Heaven with me. There’s no sadness or pain in Heaven. Our time on Earth is so limited. Heaven is eternal. We will all be judged by God for our actions while we’ve been here. We all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Jesus died so those sins could be forgotten. I’m so thankful that when something like this virus comes along I don’t need to worry. If I die because of it…so be it. My home is in Heaven. And oh, what a glorious homecoming that will be. ❤️

    • Jenny on March 14, 2020 at 11:13 am

      Dear Jessie Lanier,
      Recognise your writing!
      Like to add PSALM 91 to read out loud!
      There is supernatural power and life in the Word!

  10. Sue Barrett on March 13, 2020 at 6:15 pm

    I also believe there is a higher power and that you are never alone if you believe in the higher power. Many times when feeling overwhelmed or uneasy, it has helped knowing that if physically or emotionally I am feeling alone I am actually not alone. I have always enjoyed reading your post, messages and books, I have been able to relate to them many times.

    • Kay Bratt on March 15, 2020 at 11:05 am

      Thank you, Sue!

  11. Cindy Perry on March 15, 2020 at 3:24 am

    Thank you for this beautiful post. I have goose bumps – I share your thoughts on spirituality, purpose, etc so completely.

    As for our current trials, I hope we all take the precautions available to us, then try to occupy our minds with other things. I know for fact that what is meant to be will be (I’m stage 4 cancer survivor, ca free 9yrs a few wks ago). Be cautious but continue to find joy in each day since it’s all any of us are guaranteed after all. Don’t mean to sound preachy, just thoughts close to my heart.

    I hope you know how much you touch each of your readers, bring us joy. Your kind spirit shows through in everything you write from fb posts to amazing novels. ❤ 🙏 🕊

    • Kay Bratt on March 15, 2020 at 11:05 am

      Love that, Cindy. Be cautious but continue to find joy. Thank you.

  12. Jacqui Trainer on March 15, 2020 at 10:28 am

    I’m going to go out on the limb and say that your karma will keep you healthy. Your karma is so full of the love you exude.

    • Kay Bratt on March 15, 2020 at 11:04 am

      Awww… thank you so much, Jacqui.

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