It’s early in the morning
Two hours before the light
I look around to see who’s there
No one is in sight.

I set both baskets by the gate
Kneeling to the ground
Tying my shoe, I say good-bye
I know you will be found.

Standing up I look once more
Up and down the street
My hand picks up one basket
The task is now complete.

Please don’t cry my darling
Let me walk away
My heart remains there with you
Until my dying day.

Tom Fisher
© October 20, 2005

Day 20 – A little seed…

I vividly remember the exact moment I knew I wanted to adopt a baby girl. I was eight years old. I was at a friend’s birthday slumber party and we watched the movie Annie…over and over again. I never really thought about what this little girl would look like until I was in college. I learned about the precious baby girls in China that were (and still are) being abandon on the side of the road. It broke my heart. I knew at that moment, my daughter would be Asian and come from an orphanage.

Fast forward a few years. When hubby and I started our first adoption, we quickly discovered that we were WAY too young for the China program (minimum age limit of 30) ) Haha! The only other Asian program open at that time was Korea. After much prayer, we decided to start the paperwork for a daughter from Korea. Things never seemed quite right. I don’t know if it was the fact that the babies come from foster care (which is usually a huge plus for adoptive parents) rather than an orphanage or something else. In fact, it was something else…OUR daughter was not in Korea. Rumors started circulating that a Vietnam program was opening soon. We both KNEW in our hearts that our daughter was in Vietnam. We waited for the okay from our agency and we switched all of our paperwork from the Korea to Vietnam.

I know I am rambling, but there is a point to all of this ) Several months after we switched to the Vietnam program, our caseworker called and told us that we had been matched with a two week old baby girl in Vietnam. We were over the moon excited! We drove to our agency’s office and our social worker told us the very limited information they had about this baby girl (our Sophie Le). We thought it was very special that this little girl shared a birthday with my grandmother (who passed away 10 years earlier)…October 24.

October 24. A special connection.

Earlier this week, I was looking around on Facebook and I found that friend that I spent the night with when I was eight years old. As I mentioned before, it was a birthday slumber party. My eyes glanced over her information and what I saw blew me away!

My childhood friend’s birthday…October 24th.

Exactly twenty years to the day before MY daughter
was born in Southern Vietnam,
God planted a seed in my heart.

People believed I had the perfect life, and perhaps for a while, I did too. I was afforded the luxury of staying at home to care for my family. I spent my days doing what I loved; cooking, cleaning and organizing life for each of my precious three children and my husband. They call it The American Dream; gorgeous house, ten acres of land, three vehicles, a boat and even a family lake house. It all seemed so right yet was so wrong; something was missing and no matter what toys we obtained, we weren’t satisfied.

I really felt God speaking to me and causing me to not forget a childhood dream of adopting a little girl from Asia. In 2005, we began the adoption process and the long wait to bring Lily home from China and finally traveled there in 2006. Our intention was to take her away from China and bring her to a place where we could make her safe and loved for the rest of her life. We weren’t planning on falling in love with her country, but we did. Two weeks after walking through the halls of her orphanage, I was left with memories of children’s faces that clung to me even in my dreams. Little did I know that God was preparing me for the biggest change in my life, one I’d never thought of or planned for.

After six years of owning his own business, my husband, David, also started to wonder if there was more to life than climbing the social ladder and building his portfolio. Once we discovered we were both on the same page, it should have been easy to make the next decision but honestly, it was the hardest thing we’ve ever done.

After weeks of prayer and contemplation, we decided to give up our American Dream and move to China to live a much simpler life. We didn’t want our children growing up to believe that material things and money were the ultimate goal; we wanted them to see us stand up and do something we believed in. So both houses went up for sale and we were lucky in this recession to sell one of them. (The other we hope to close in a few weeks time) We sold some things and put the rest in storage. We sold two of our cars, leaving one for our daughter to drive when she comes back for college. We were on a mission to change our lives but it was so hard! The closer moving day came, the more I cried. It wasn’t about our ‘things’ or the hardship we might have to bear, it was leaving those I loved. I wanted them all to come with me!

The departure day loomed closer and because we were leaving much sooner than we had originally planned, we were very busy unwinding the business, packing last-minute items and basically wrapping up our current lives in a tidy bow so we could move on. We barely slept the week before take-off, we just moved through each day getting as much done as possible and then spent our nights tossing and turning, hoping we were doing the right thing for our four children. The night before we got on the plane, there was not even an attempt to sleep and that is the closest I’ve ever come to losing it all together, as my tired nerves had finally gotten the best of me.

So after a harrowing last few weeks and exhaustion beyond anything I’ve ever known, on October 1, 2008, we were officially residents of China. Now, in our second year, I don’t regret our decision. There are many things I miss about the USA. Of course, not being able to visit with my family and friends was the hardest thing to give up. I had a dream last week about shopping in Target—actually, I wasn’t really shopping but reading all of the labels because I COULD! I miss the conveniences like having a clothes dryer, dishwasher, owning a vehicle, having a conversation while standing in line at the grocery store, clean air, blue sky, breakfast cereal, spray butter, decent haircuts, books, and the list goes on and on. Living in the country of great conveniences all my life falsely set me up to expect those extravagances, but I am learning to do without. We no longer live in a big house or have all of the things we once thought we couldn’t live without. All six of us are now squeezed into a small apartment and we don’t have television except for the occasional dvd that we watch together as a family. We share two only barely-working bathrooms, one with a laughable shower in the middle of the ceiling; and the funniest part about it is that I love this life. Our family has grown closer; we can no longer separate to our own spaces in a large home and live separate lives. We spend our free time taking walks, playing games and just being a family—even working together to schedule shower times! That is probably the biggest gift of living here—seeing all of us become a real family once again.

Here in this country, you finally know the difference in what you want versus what you need, and living the simpler life here makes it not so hard to find the essentials. I do most of my shopping at the market and we have a small store we find toilet paper and other essentials. We don’t frequent the huge chain stores often because we prefer to spend our money here in the neighborhood to help the small shopkeepers, or we’re too tired to walk the extra mile.

Probably the biggest obstacle for me is the language barrier. There is so much I’d like to say to people, so many questions I want to ask them! I want to read labels again and feel like I know exactly what I am buying. The other hard issue is the pollution. I knew that China was polluted from the news, but living here it still astounds me how much pollution exists. It is constantly on my mind because the air is so thick on most days that it looks like fog. Cars are filthy from it and the taxis are constantly washing the “dirt” off of their cars. Last summer we only had a few truly blue sky days and the rest of them were whitish, or worse. We thought we were prepared for it, but were shocked at how much harder it would be for me to cope with my asthma in such conditions.

David now works for LDi, a non-profit company, which trains national businessmen in the areas of integrity and team-building (www.ldichina.com), and is involved in our local fellowship. Last year I taught middle school math but this year I substitute teach at the international school to help pay the bills while I participate in what I feel is one of the most treasured gifts of my life; volunteering at the local orphanage. It is there that I am able to use my gifts of nurturing and organizing; in order to make a difference one little life at a time.

I work with International Committee for Chinese Orphans. It consists of a committee of mostly expats that volunteer to spend time with the children, arrange for medical care, and raise money for paying 57 ayis (aunties or helpers), special formula, medical care, physical therapists, and educational materials. The program has been in our children’s welfare institute for 10+ years and has made a huge difference in the care of the children. The Children’s Welfare Institute has about 95% disabled children ranging with mild special needs to the most severe. We try to help all of the children, not just the adoptable kids. So, many of the kids we provide physical therapy or a teacher for will not be adopted, but will live in an institution their entire lives. But, we feel it’s important for us to advocate for all of the children no matter what their disability is. You can see more about who we are at www.tjicco.org

The Children’s Welfare Institute is a beautiful facility; all remodeled with brightly painted rooms and manicured lawns. Some of the children are treated very well although some are neglected. The real tragedy is that the kids many times don’t get the medical assistance they need while they are young enough and then by the time they see a doctor, their medical condition is so complicated that their life is altered forever. It seems that some conditions are ignored or the doctor will say the child has to wait until age two for surgery. Then, when they are two it is too late. There are so many children. I feel that most of the staff does their best but many kids fall through the cracks.

I love all of the kids and I don’t gravitate towards a specific age or condition. I have a few, of course, that I adore; a PKU toddler with a terrific smile, a 4 year old with a life-threatening heart condition, a 1-year- old who is both deaf and blind, a 2-year-old that is dying of cancer, and an 11-year-old dear girl who has the kindest smile and who I desperately want to be adopted.

Outside of our city, there is a village where most of the homes are foster homes with approximately 300 kids living there. They are starting a school and a therapy center there and need our help with funding the teachers and therapists. All of the children have disabilities ranging from cleft lip/palate to cerebral palsy.

We do see some of the children being adopted and I’ve had the privilege of telling a few kids that they are getting a family and I’ve experienced the joy of delivering packages to them from their “forever families.” I consider this one of the best perks to my volunteer job.

So to wrap it up, I am lucky to be living a life I never dreamed of. I never expected to be living here nor would I have thought I wanted to live here. It doesn’t include a big house or fancy cars—and we don’t have all the latest gadgets and frivolous things we once had, but that is part of the gift of it all. We are now actually living life—not watching it fly by.

*Kay says: I met Jenny online when she wrote to tell me that reading my book was like reading her life story. With that being said, I can attest that she probably left out a whole lot about some of the hardships of her current life. I told her I’d like to send her a care package—as I remember how precious each and every package from home was to us while we were living in China. If you’d like to send her and the family a bundle of encouragement, here are some details I was able to finally squeeze out of her!

Tianjin International School
c/o Jenny Kuritar
1 Meiyuan Road
Huayuan Industrial Garden
Nankai District
Tianjin, China 300384