While in China, I became good friends with a young lady who was my Chinese language tutor. Over time, she used me as an older, wiser confidant when she was going through some tough emotional times. In our history together, we were always able to have very serious, honest discussions. Recently I sent her a list of questions about China’s children. Lucy is very worldly–even to the extent of dating foreign men and working her way up in her company. Based on the life experiences I know she has already had, I was surprised at her responses to my questions:How old are you? Are you from a lower, middle or upper class family? What do you do for a job? Do you have a college degree?
A: 24. from middle-upper class(parents were doctor and teacher). i work in a multinational company as a purchaser. yes, postgraduate.
What do you think of the adoption program China has with so many countries? Does it make you sad to see so many of China’s children leaving?
A: Never heard about the adoption program. However, do think its good to have a program like that (to open the eyes of the kids), even though i quite doubt about whether the foreign forster families will be good and kind to the child forever. We have built a hostile attitude to western countries through media and we heard so many stories how Chinese students were badly treated in foreign countries, in sense of this, why should we believe a foreign family will be nice to Chinese kids? Are these kids adopted because of some evil purposes? I wont feel sad to see kids leaving China, but definitely i will feel worried.
Do you see agree with the one-child policy in China? Why or why not?
A: Disagree. because its not good for the kid to grow up since he/she is the little king/queen surrounded by her parents and grandparents. however, the one-child policy is not so tight now these days, you pay 150,000RMB and will get a second-child license in some parts of this country, limited to rural area. but since its so expensive to raise a kid now(education, training…), people tend to have one kid esp if the kid is a boy. but girls are also ok now. i have friends who have a baby girl now and dont want to have a second one. of course i also have a rich friend who had his third kid born 2 years ago.
Do you know of any Chinese families who have adopted from China’s orphanages?
A: Chinese families only adopt children when the wife cant get pregnant and they need a kid to maintain the family . usually one is enough. the kids are usually from their friends’ friend’s friends’ and is a girl for sure! when the forster family wants to adopt the kid, they need to nego with the parents and ask them never come back to visit the girl.BUT its quite notorious known that forster family is so bad to the girl that they beat the girl whenever they feel angry. usually, once the girl finds out that she was adopted, she would leave the home and never come back, or start to be very hostile to her parents. so until the wife is very sure unable to have child, the family will adopt a girl–but never from orphanages , not to mention those disabled kids
Do you know of any girls who have abandoned their babies/children? If you do, what was their reason? Where did they leave them? Were they sad or not?
A. So far not. girls get pregnant and will marry the boy, thats what happens now.
If you were to get pregnant before marriage, what would you do with your child?
A: Marry the boy, no other choice.
What do the Chinese people think about orphanages in their cities? Do they believe the children are well cared for? Do they think an orphanage is a safe place for their child?
A: Orphanages are a remote part to a city and to people’s minds. from what i know, i dont think kids were well treated there, just like old people’s home. my father is a doctor and he told me in a “home”, old people were injected with sleeping pills right after breakfast to keep them from moving too much thus causing trouble to the caring nurses. after 3 months sleeping pills, oldies die. there is NO promotion or sth of orphanage in TV or any media, its a forgotten place in China.
Why do you think most of the children in orphanages were abandoned? What reason?
A: most kids there must be from poor families where they cant afford or simple dont want. whenever the parents CAN afford the kid, they wont abandon them.
If a woman in China were to decide to adopt from an orphanage, do you think she would adopt a health y child only, or would she consider a special needs child?
A: a woman alone can NOT adopt from orphanage!!! it need to be a family without kids and have the adoption license from government after passing several critieras. the family will adopt a healthy one for sure, and the family will still not happy in the future. Chinese have very very strong passion for “blood-passing-down”, a son of their own is everything to them!
sorry for late reply. after i wrote down all my answers , i realized chinese culture is so great, but its love for kids or even for human being is so limited. that reminded me of the very fact that Chinese culture were produced in a country’s interests, but not individuals…..