Happy Father’s Day!

Written by Kay on . Posted in Adoption Stories, Contests and Give-A-Ways

This coming Sunday will be Father’s Day and in many households means a huge celebration.  In the adoption community, this day can be bittersweet as the child gets older and begins to understand that somewhere out there is (or was) a man who was instrumental to their creation.

We have touched on the subject of acknowledging birth mothers and the special ways that many have implemented that gesture into their lives—and I am interested to see if Father’s Day is similar. Do you help your children remember their birth father on Father’s Day? Is the subject of a birth father broached? If you feel you want to share ideas, how old is your child(ren) and what gesture does your family use to acknowledge their birth father?

Let me take this opportunity to say Happy Father’s Day to all the dads out there who in the moment that they have taken on that responsibility for a little one—have changed their lives to become a better man in order to protect, guide and mentor the child in their lives.

In recognition of all the amazing adoptive fathers out there, I’d like to give away a book published by an interesting and talented adopted father of Chinese daughters.  Photographer Richard Bowen, the adoptive father of two Chinese girls, is a founding member of the board of directors of Half the Sky Foundation. I keep his book, Mei Mei; Little Sister, on display in my house and when I feel myself forgetting the little faces I knew so well in China, I only have to open the cover to be transported back to those days. It truly is an amazing and emotional book.

If you participate in this post by commenting about how you celebrate Father’s Day or how you acknowledge your adopted child’s birth father, your name will instantly be in the drawing for the Mei Mei; Little Sister photo book. Drawing will be held Sunday, June 19. So comment below!

And..if you don’t know what to get the dad in your household, a copy of my book inscribed with  a note or even little scribble (or even their traced handprint) from your child would make the perfect gift—and you still have time if you order today. Here is the link—what  are you  waiting for?  

Silent Tears; A Journey of Hope in a Chinese Orphanage

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Comments (28)

  • Sharon

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    We are having a family here that lives in China full time and spent time with our daughter when she was in the orphanage in Putian City. They will be speaking in our church and we will celebrate SO many things that day! Can’t wait! I have always wanted this book. 🙂
    Blessings!

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  • Midge Cole

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    We don’t really do much to remember our daughter’s birth parents on Mother’s Day or Father’s Day. Our daughter is still kind of young, 4 years old, and as she gets older I would like to help her find a way to honor those people who gave her life. I often think of her birth parents and pray that they will somehow know this child is happy and healthy.

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  • 3DFamily

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    In our nightly prayers, we ask God to bless both our daughters birth parents. And when we discuss her birth parents, we make sure to include both parents.

    Keep smilin!

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  • Patricia Casteen

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    We adopted our daughter from China in March 2008 and she was 14 months old. We have talked to her about her adoption at the very beginning. We pray for her biological parents but we don’t do anything special for them on Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. We may do this when our daughter is older if this is something she wants to do.

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  • Melanie Barrier

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    I’m a single mom and untill reading this had not considered honoring the birth father. So after discussing it with the girls we will light a candle in his honor as we do for their birth moms.

    Since my father is their father figure we will be celebrating with him on fathers day by meeting him at his church and then fixing dinner. The girls and I have been painting him a porch swing to take.

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  • Teri

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    We will celebrate with a family. We do not celebrate my daughters’ birth parents on any special day but we talk about them whenever the girls feel the need.

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  • Kathy

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    This weekend, we are hosting our annual China adoption travel group reunion (we all adopted in 2004), and some of us (including us) have adopted from China again since then. I had not thought of mentioning our daughters’ birth fathers on Father’s Day, until I read your post. We do discuss our older daughter’s birth family (usually, birth mother) when she brings up the subject. Our youngest daughter has only been with us 3 months and doesn’t speak English yet, so no discussions with her yet. It isn’t easy for me to think positively about our older daughter’s birth father. I have read so much about the birth father, or his parents, being responsible for the child’s abandonment decision, more often than not. So, maybe I’ll just let her tell me what she thinks he may be like.

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  • Dawn S

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    Unfortunately, my hubs is having a surprise surgery to remove two kidney stones tomorrow, so he is gonna pretty much get to do whatever he wants on Father’s Day! It is only his second one and we have three now…our adoptions took a long time but all came to fruition in a short amount of time. We pray for our children’s bio parents often, actually, and on Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. We pray for their safety, among other things, and we pray that they will have peace in their hearts that their children are well-loved.

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  • Elaine

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    My daughter is five and we have spoken about her birth parents but we don’t do anything to openly acknowledge them on Father’s/Mother’s Day. However, after mass on those days I light a candle at our church and say a silent prayer for them and thank them for the gift of our beautiful daughter.

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  • Valerie

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    This year we’ll be gathering as a family with my mom, sister and brother and their families to celebrate Summer birthdays as well as Father’s Day!

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  • Lorrie

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    This year we will be at home grilling or baking. We acknowledge our son’s foster family, as we have photos to help him recall the family, so we will be thanking his foster dad for the care he received until we were able to bring him home. We don’t actively talk about their birth parents, but whenever they bring up adoption we do discuss both the mother and the father. We have a pretty good idea why our son was given the blessing of adoption (expensive medical condition), but we can only guess as to why our daughter was.

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  • Joan

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    Right now we just have a celebration cake of sorts, and do whatever dad wants to do that day.

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  • Kay Bratt

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    Thanks for sharing— I really find it interesting! Keep ’em coming!

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  • Nikki

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    This is our first Father’s Day with our daughter. I LOVE gardening and I thought of this idea before she even came home: I have a tree in the front yard and have created a garden of perennials and annuals under this tree. I have rocks that outline the edge of the garden in the form of a circle. On one half of the circle we call it our ‘American’ garden. It has red and white petunias and blue lobelia. Our ‘China’ garden is on the other side of the circle. Here we have yellow day lilies and red petunias. We also have garden rocks that I bought from JoAnn that have words in Chinese like ‘Love’, ‘Happiness’ etc…. This is our special garden where our daughter’s birth country, birth parent’s, foster parents and even her sister are honored. This garden also symbolizes how our two cultures are meshed together in our family. So as far as Father’s Day, her daddy will be the one honored, but our special garden will always be there to honor everything about her, including her birth father.

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  • Marie

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    I am a single mom , so there is no adoptive father in our household. My youngest daughter was in a foster home in China with a widow and her adult handicapped daughter for the first four years of her life – no foster Dad. My three children (ages 21, 15 and 9, all from China) have minimal interest in their birth families, and we do not celebrate or acknowledge their biological fathers on Father’s Day. However, my middle daughter often wishes ME a “Happy Father’s Day” because she tells me I do a bang-up job as a Dad, as well as being her Mom 🙂

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  • Kim

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    For Father’s Day as a single Mom my daughter and I celebrate the wonderful woman in her life. At preschool she made a wonderful craft for my Mom wishing her a “Happy Nanny Day”. As far as her birth father is concerned at 4 she has little understanding that she has a birth father. I hope to honour him when she understands that she did have a father

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  • Cheryl

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    We usually just ask friends to pray for her birth parents that they have peace in their hearts and feel that their daughter is safe and happy.

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  • Karen

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    We adopted our first daughter from China in September 2008 at the age of 9 months and our second daughter in July 2010 at the age of 15 months. We talk often about their adoption and how proud we are that they were born in China. At their young ages we have not mentioned their biological parents and we don’t do anything on Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. When our daughters are older and express a wish to do so we will with joy!

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  • Starla Kull

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    Will be celebrating with my dh tomorrow…he is a great dad to 4 bios, 3 from china, and currently 3 foster kids. He loves them all and treats them all special…as his. The 5 grandkids and 2 of our sons will also be here tomorrow afternoon. My dh is the best!

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  • Shawn

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    We have a 4 1/2 year old daughter from China and are working on bringing home a 2 year old sister for her. We have talked a lot about birth parents and what that means. She doesn’t fully understand it yet as she take the lead in the discussion and when she get quite we stop taking about it. She is processing it at her own speed.

    She is a very big Daddy’s girl and we will spend the day talkig care of him and going to a special lunch for him with her two grown brothers. We all love him very much!!!

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  • Krista Dolan

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    We’re planning on having a nice supper! I haven’t thought about honoring thier China fathers, I’m really glad you’ve mentioned this, and I’m going to do that tomorrow.
    Thanks
    Krista Dolan

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  • Jen Gordon

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    Although our daughter is still very young, every day in fact is a special Father’s Day in our family. My own husband’s father passed away when my husband was a young man, so he wants to be the kind of father his own dad was to him. He spends time with our girl every day, plays with her, hugs and kisses on her, and is thankful each and every day for her. We waited a long, long time for her so we take advantage of every minute we have! We plan on church, special breakfast, and of course more playtime!

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  • Kay Bratt

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    Thank you all for participating in the discussion. The winner of the Mei Mei photography book is Marie! Congrats and please send me the name/address you would like me mail the book to.

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  • Marie

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    Oh, MY! I never win ANYTHING! Thank you so much, Kay! Please send to:

    Marie Carmenati
    36 Adams Height
    Groton, CT 06340

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  • Kay Bratt

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    I will get it in the mail by Monday afternoon, Marie. Thank you!

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  • Marie

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    Just got it in yesterday’s mail….beautiful book, thank you SO MUCH!!!

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  • IKen Marshall

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    My little love was adopted from an orphanage I believe South of Guangzhou by my then wife and step daughter. She came into my life at a time when I had lost my 49 year old son. I believe that God put her in my life when I had lost faith to fill the hole left in my heart. At the time I was against the adoption because I served in the South Pacific aboard a PT Boat during WW Two and as a consequence hated all orientals. Kay, I would like to send you a book I wrote about my conversion from a biased old man to a lump of putty in this the hands of this little orphan girl named Maya. Please give me an address to mail it to. It will explain the unconditional love between an old man and a tiny Chinese girl thing. “Maya, My Bery Bestest Friend Eber.”

    Reply

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